Thursday, November 17, 2011

Leaving the stress behind.

I get on a plane in a few hours to fly away for two weeks. Richard keeps encouraging me to leave the stress behind and just enjoy my time away.

Here's why I find that nearly impossible.

1. We found a new house. We want to start actions on it quickly, as the market is tight. So while getting ready to go away, I have my ear to a phone making arrangements to see, and investigate negotiating with our insurance about this house. Getting ready to go is not a stress-free event!

2. Richard went away to the Phillipines and I KNEW we would have a 5 pointer while he was gone. And we did. Now I'm sure they will have one (we are over-due) a good-size earthquake while I'm gone. I think I'm an earthquake predictor now.

3. I've lost my confidence that things will go right for me. I used to be a very confident person. I felt that the world was there and I could achieve and do what I want. I felt loved and certain. But events in our lives leading up to the earthquake, then the earthquake and now in negotiating with powerful insurance companies, I feel vulernable. Even worse, I now 'know' that everything can go wrong. I worry that things will go wrong with those I leave here. I guess it is that impeding sense of doom that people often talk about.

But, I'm going to try to get on that plane and just enjoy my journey. Maybe that is what I should always do in life. Even when the trip through life is bumpy, a sense that this is a journey, and ultimately earth is not my home. The final destination is going to be great, and as much as I can, I should enjoy the journey, and hang-on, trusting God when it isn't so great.

But right now, I need to get ahold of that real-estate woman.

Demolishing and Disappointment

I know and know it has been ages since I've written. It is all because of the earthquake I assure you. You probably think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I have a growing realisation that the earthquake is still affecting us in rahter big ways. One way is in great disappointments. I don't write much when I'm living in disappointment zones.

Our house deal fell through. Negotiations with the insurance over the house we were attempting to purchase broke down after 2 months of work. I don't think the word disappointment can convey the depth of emotions this produced in me for the last couple of days.

I wasn't the only one disappointed, the man trying to sell us his house also faced the disappointment and he in turn must have passed that on to people in the North Island who were to sell their house to him. Earthquakes bring a few bad days, even after they have passed by.

On a happier note, we are seeing an awful lot of demolishing of buildings going on. For the most part, we feel that this is a good thing, for clearing the rubble means we can get on with building the new. And getting on with the new beginning is what we all want to happen.

I just wish my insurance provider would let me have my new beginning.